Build Your Empathy Muscle for Skyrocketing Trust Levels

Several years ago I wrote an article “Trust is a Choice – How to Up your Game,” where I shared the trust equation developed by David Maister in his book “The Trusted Advisor.” He suggests that trust is a blend of credibility, reliability, intimacy and self-orientation, with self-orientation being the element that can make or break the trust level.

The equation is: Trust = (Credibility + Reliability + Intimacy) / Self-orientation

• Credibility – inspiring belief that what you say is true
• Reliability – doing what you say you will do when you say you will do it
• Intimacy – being vulnerable
• Self-orientation – focus on yourself

Therefore, partners who operate from a position of self-orientation – prioritizing what I need/want more than what my partner wants or what is good for the project – receive less trust from their team than partners who are less self-absorbed. My previous article provides five tips for reducing self-orientation and building trust.

In this article, we’ll dive into how to develop and demonstrate empathy in support of your partners.

Empathy is the ability to step into the shoes of your partners and visualize what it must be like to stand in their shoes, carry their load and deal with their red tape. And, it requires a non-judgmental attitude and compassion for their position.

Five Tips for Practicing Empathy

1. Imagine Yourself in their Position: Consider what it must be like to live this person’s life – professionally, and perhaps personally. Do they have a difficult boss who second-guesses every decision? Do they have a challenging set of process or reporting requirements that must be considered in every move? Do they have a sick child or spouse that weighs heavy on their mind, even though they are doing their best to work anyway?
2. Validate Others: Practice supporting others in their opinions, decisions and actions, even when you might have made a different choice if the decision was yours. This practice shows that you care about what matters to your partners and your team, and helps show that you have their back.
3. Ask Permission: Use the magical question before diving into a topic. Ask “Is it ok if I run a situation by you?” I used this approach in my golf foursomes – golf suggestions had to be preceded by the question “Do you want a tip?” This simple protocol meant that ideas would be presented only when the golfer was open-minded enough to hear them.
4. Shift your Focus: Do favors and acts of kindness for others, without regard for what is in it for you. Do them because you can. Do them because it feels good to help and be selfless. Forget to keep score.
5. Ask for Feedback: Ask others for honest, non-judgmental feedback. Although feedback can be uncomfortable, it is important to increase self-awareness. Try asking about something explicit, such as, “Could I have done anything different during this negotiation process that would have helped you more efficiently perform your role?”

By demonstrating empathy (and less self-orientation), your partners will recognize that you are invested in the team. The results will be higher trust and teamwork.

~ Cinda

Cinda Bond, MIPI, has been an OrgMetrics partnering facilitator for more than 10 years. She has facilitated more than 500 sessions for teams throughout the country. She also collaborates with engineering and construction teams to develop large documents containing hundreds of pages for construction contracts and proposals.
For more information please contact Cinda Bond, CindaBond@Orgmet.com / (925)640-9007 (cell), or OrgMetrics RobReaugh@Orgmet.com / (925)449-8300

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